November 26, 2022

It's so disheartening how frightened John sometimes gets in the evening. He asks me repeatedly if the doors are locked, if other people are here, where the dogs are, can we call somebody, can we call the police. He fairs better if other people are here, maybe because it's a distraction. But on a typical evening when we're home, he announces that he's 'very scared' and worries about things he can't really discribe. He doesn't believe we are safe. It varies in intensity, but it happens almost every night. Finally he falls asleep and his mind rests. And so does mine. This week was Thanksgiving. We gathered with his family and he seemed rather content, but stared off at nothing quite a bit. They played some old audio tapes from when they were young, and another where their mom was singing. I'm not sure it struck a chord with him, but he listened. He ate a little bit. It's been getting progressively harder to get him to eat. He's always up for junk food, and will usually eat hamburgers, hot dogs and pizza without a fuss. But when I provide something healthier, or just different, he'll often eat a few bites and then stop. On Thanksgiving he ate his roll with a fork, and I put turkey and ham on his fork and got him to take a few bites of that. But of course he happily ate 2 pieces of pie! So often, to most everything I say, he responds with 'huh?' or 'what'? I've had his hearing checked and that's fine, so I guess it's his need to have things repeated so he can wrap his mind around it and understand what I'm saying. It gets really annoying though for me! The other day while he was in the shower I asked him to wash his legs. He washed the glass door instead. Another thing that John focuses on is any little piece of fuzz that catches his eye. Just this morning he was worried about a little piece of black fuzz on a tan blanket. He wouldn't touch it, and wouldn't relax until I removed it. He also worries about flecks in his food. If there's a little brown area on a roll (this happened on Thanksgiving) he won't eat it until he, or I, removes it. At the end of a meal his napkin might have a lot of bits of food on it that he's wiped off his food.