July 24, 2022

I've been off work for 14 days for my summer break, and John went to Easter Seals 8 of those days. That allowed me to have some time on my own. That was really nice for me, yet at the same time it's been difficult. We've spent more time together than we typically do, and that makes me more aware of the losses he is experiencing. Many times he has asked me "Where's Susan?". Today we were home all day and he asked me quite often about when we were leaving. He kept talking about wanting to go home. I'd explain that we are home. Sometimes he didn't really seem to buy it, and other times he kinda smiled and understood that he wasn't making sense. John continues to fight me about showering, taking his meds, shaving, etc. He accuses me of damaging him. He tells me that I don't make any sense. Despite that fact that I've explained what we're doing numerous time, he accuses me of not telling him what's happening. I'll try to get him to take his meds over and over again. Then all of the sudden he'll sometimes take them like a completely cooperative person. This afternoon his pockets were bulging. I teased him and asked what he had in his pockets. Out came 3 flashlights, among other things! Last week they held a memorial for Cliff at EasterSeals. It was a really nice event and Edna did so much to make it a lovely tribute. I'm not sure what John understood about it, if anything. He didn't seem to respond to it in any way, so I'm guessing he didn't know what it was all about. In a couple days our daughter is taking the bar exam. We can't wait until it's over! It's hugely stressful and she's been studying non-stop. We are under a threat of violent death if we bring home any illnesses that prevent her from taking the test! So we've been a little holed up lately, keeping any social gatherings small and outdoors. It will be a huge relief when the exam is complete, but she won't get the results for months. It'll be nice to see her leave the house for a change! I wish John understood what's she's doing. He would have been very proud and would have loved to help her study. Instead he spends time each day wondering who is in the house with us and what is happening as she studies. He takes attendance multiple times each day - for who is in the house, what dogs are in the house, and if he needs to intercede when he hears the dog bark. He's often concerned about our safety, especially at night.

July 11, 2022

I spoke to the neurologist today about the results of John's MRI. She said he has generalized atrophy that is consistent with more advanced Alzheimer's Disease. In this context 'generalized' refers to finding no particular pattern of the atrophy. There are also mild white matter changes in one area. That's not particularly noteworthy because it's consistent with the results of someone with migraines. There was a lot of atrophy in the right side of the Hippocampus, which is the memory center. This is indicative of the fact that his Alzheimer's is far along, especially for his age. The Dr said that when evaluating the extent of disease, it's important to couple the results of the MRI with John's behaviors. Recently John's behaviors have been worse. He was particularly difficult to deal with on Saturday. He was yelling at me loudly when I was showering him, he was mad about everything I did, and he was aggitated all day. Weirdly, he was more reasonable the next day. He's also requiring more and more help completing ADLs - Activities of Daily Living, or the tasks of everyday life. Basic ADLs include eating, dressing, bathing, and using the toilet. For activities he can still do on his own, he often needs supervision. And it all makes him mad. The Dr encouraged me to hire help for the most difficult tasks, but that's expensive and I don't think he'd receive that well. That time will come but I hope to delay it longer as the costs only become more staggering over time.

July 6, 2022

On the 4th John told me we needed to find Susan. I asked him what my name was. He avoided the question and said 'oh come on, you know!' So I asked again. After a moment he admitted he didn't know. Today he had his annual appointment with the retina specialist (he see's this Dr because he had a partially detached retina some years ago). They gave him a vision test, but he had a lot of difficulty reading the letters because he couldn't follow directions and stay on task. It was hard to tell if he couldn't see the letters because he was all over the place, talking about things moving from here to there. I'd jump in and explain that they were checking his vision and needed to know if letters were blurry. Then sometimes he'd rattle off a row of letters, getting most of them right, then he'd start to talk about a mark on his arm. Then the dr wanted to check his vision with his glasses on. By that time all was lost and he couldn't manage to name very many letters. He worries a great deal about whether our doors are locked, if the dogs are in the house, when people are coming over, and then whining if no one is coming over. He often wants me to call a dr immediately when I'm trying to coerce him into taking his meds. And brushing teeth is becoming a big source of contention. He needs more and more assistance with daily activities, and is becoming increasingly dependant.