January 23, 2024

John has been doing fairly well these past few weeks. He's lost weight, but they're giving him finger foods much of the time now because it's easier for him to eat. Hopefully that'll stop the weight loss. He's thinner now than I've ever known him to be. Tonight I arrived after he'd walked away from his dinner leaving it mostly untouched. I brought him back to the table and placed his food in his hand, and he ate it. I put the salad (an apple and pasta type dish) on his fork and put his fork in his hand, and he ate that too. I also put grapes in his hand so that he'd eat them. Ultimately he ate his full dinner. So I rewarded him with cookies. After dinner I always take him to his room, wash his hands, brush his teeth, and shave his face. Today I trimmed his nails. He didn't fuss at all about his nails which was a big surprise. Previously he's put up a big fight about that. He only used a few words while I was there tonight. He also seems to keep his eyes about half open a lot of the time. A couple weeks ago they told me he ate a chunk of soap. I think they'd had an activity where they made colorful bars of soap. Apparently he grabbed one, bit off a chunk and swallowed it - all while they were trying to get it away from him. He claimed to feel fine so it didn't seem to cause a problem. I told him he must of said a bad word and needed to wash his mouth out with soap! I hear that John may be moved to a private room in February. He actually has a room to himself now because his roommate died, but he's in a room that is reserved for 2 people. Another man will move in sometime soon. They think a private room will be available soon, so I hope that works out. I like the location of that room too, so I hope it happens. There's an article I read recently that I've been meaning to mention. It's about Alzheimer's Disease and purpose. Previous studies have found that individuals with more purpose are less likely to develop dementias. Unfortunately older retired people can lose their purpose, and apparently that doesn't help the fight to keep one's brain active. The article said a person's sense of purpose declines leading up to and following cognitive decline. Purpose in life is the feeling that one's life is goal-oriented and has direction. It's an important component of well-being. A new study showed that impairment has an impact on feeling purposeful. So it's important that we our purposeful about having purpose! Another thing I wanted to mention - it's a quote that resonated with me: Suffering is always hard to quantify - especially when the pain is caused by as cruel a disease as Alzheimer's. Most illnesses attack the body; Alzheimer's destroys the mind and in the process annihilates the very self (quote from Jeff Kluger, whoever he is).

January 3, 2024

John's roommate passed away last night. His wife came to see him, then after she left he died. The aides think he waited for her. He was an ideal roommate. He was no trouble at all, and slept much of the time that they shared a room. I'm sad about him, sad that he's gone, but also happy for him that his battle is done.

January 2, 2024

Cheers to 2024! John has been fine since his fall/trip to the ER. They called me on New Years Eve and said John had fallen again, but wasn't injured. No trip to the ER this time! He hasn't shown any signs of the flu. The hospice nurse said he may have shown positive because of exposure to the flu. Or maybe he had a mild case. Maybe that contributed to his tiredness and resulting falls. John has been good the last few days, and has been less tired. We've walked outside a lot because the weather has been beautiful, and because I've been off work I've been able to be there in the daylight. I've noticed a decline in his speech. He speaks very little now. The other day I was there for about an hour and a half and I don't know if he used more that 10-12 words, despite me trying to engage him. It was the same today. I mentioned it to the nurse and she agreed. She said he didn't say 1 word to her today while she was there, and she tried to get him to respond to her questions. The loss of speech is a sign that he's moving toward the next stage - the 7th stage. This stage can last for years. Stage 7 is Severe Dementia, the final stage of the FAST - the Functional Assessment Staging Test. He's not quite there yet, but he's on the cusp. Stage 7 includes losing speech, losing the ability to walk, then sit up, then smile, then losing the ability to hold up their head. Today when I walked into John's room I immediately noticed his roommate is on oxygen. Lately his roommate is no longer taken to meals in a wheelchair, but has been fed some food or shakes while in bed. Yesterday he seemed to choke a bit and struggled to breathe, so the oxygen today makes sense. A priest was also there to see him. I always say hi to him when I'm in the room, but for the most part try not to disturb him so he can sleep. Today, I talked to him a bit and then prayed for him, and for his family. All signs point to that fact that he is fast approaching the end of this horrible journey.