July 24, 2022

I've been off work for 14 days for my summer break, and John went to Easter Seals 8 of those days. That allowed me to have some time on my own. That was really nice for me, yet at the same time it's been difficult. We've spent more time together than we typically do, and that makes me more aware of the losses he is experiencing. Many times he has asked me "Where's Susan?". Today we were home all day and he asked me quite often about when we were leaving. He kept talking about wanting to go home. I'd explain that we are home. Sometimes he didn't really seem to buy it, and other times he kinda smiled and understood that he wasn't making sense. John continues to fight me about showering, taking his meds, shaving, etc. He accuses me of damaging him. He tells me that I don't make any sense. Despite that fact that I've explained what we're doing numerous time, he accuses me of not telling him what's happening. I'll try to get him to take his meds over and over again. Then all of the sudden he'll sometimes take them like a completely cooperative person. This afternoon his pockets were bulging. I teased him and asked what he had in his pockets. Out came 3 flashlights, among other things! Last week they held a memorial for Cliff at EasterSeals. It was a really nice event and Edna did so much to make it a lovely tribute. I'm not sure what John understood about it, if anything. He didn't seem to respond to it in any way, so I'm guessing he didn't know what it was all about. In a couple days our daughter is taking the bar exam. We can't wait until it's over! It's hugely stressful and she's been studying non-stop. We are under a threat of violent death if we bring home any illnesses that prevent her from taking the test! So we've been a little holed up lately, keeping any social gatherings small and outdoors. It will be a huge relief when the exam is complete, but she won't get the results for months. It'll be nice to see her leave the house for a change! I wish John understood what's she's doing. He would have been very proud and would have loved to help her study. Instead he spends time each day wondering who is in the house with us and what is happening as she studies. He takes attendance multiple times each day - for who is in the house, what dogs are in the house, and if he needs to intercede when he hears the dog bark. He's often concerned about our safety, especially at night.