John went to day care at Easter Seals today for the first time. I was so nervous about it. He was worried about what he would do there. He thinks he’s volunteering all day so he was concerned about knowing what to do. I assured him they would help him. Before we left the house I hugged him and we prayed together that the day would go well and he would be comfortable there. So I dropped him off as soon as they unlocked the front door. 2 other people arrived at the same time, 1 of whom came in a taxi. I walked John in the door and he joined right in and seemed good. So I left pretty quickly and got back in the car to drive to work. I choked up and thought about the weird similarities to when I first took our kids to day care. And then I thought about how horribly different it was. I was dropping my lawyer husband off at daycare. Unbelievable.
I expected him to call me often throughout the day, but he didn’t. I thought that was a very good sign. He called me mid afternoon and said his day was going well. He wanted to know when I would be coming to pick him up. I told him 4p. When I arrived there a couple hours later, he was happy. He said he had a good day and the people there were his kind of people - referring to the workers. I thought he might be tired and want to go home, but he has happy to go with me to visit my mom before going home, so that’s what we did.
Meanwhile my mom was moved to a new room and for now has her own room. It’s freshly painted and has new carpet. I need to get all her pictures hung and move the furniture around a bit, but I feel good about her new room. She’s by the window and will get some afternoon sun. I fed her cookies and mini muffins before dinner, then fed her her full dinner too, so that was a success. Then she was anxious to go to her room and get to bed, so I walked her over there and kissed her goodbye while the staff came to get her ready for bed.
Obviously it’s horrible watching both my mom and my husband deal with Alzheimer’s. I fear the future, yet want it to be over with all at the same time. But I believe in God and I have faith that He is in control. I don’t believe life is all about my comfort. I believe there’s purpose to this and I hope this experience is something that I can use in some way to benefit others. I’m hoping God will use this somehow. I’m trying to choose my attitude. I’m trying to make the best of the life we have. I’m trying to do the best for my mom and for John. I’m trying to do what I think they would want in these circumstances. And I’m trying to take care of myself as well. God has sustained us this far. I don’t think He’s going to crap out on us now.
I often wonder what people think of us when we’re out in public. When people overhear me telling John what to do. Or when I give John basic, simple instructions, essentially treating a grown man like a child. Or when I handle complicated issues in life and he just stands there beside me saying nothing. Or when I order for him at a restaurant. So far no one has ever said anything to me, but I notice an odd look now and then.
While Alzheimer’s is hideous, there are other diseases that are worse. ALS is one. And I know I have it far better than so many others. So I try to focus on making the best of our situation and attack the shit in life one issue at a time.
Today turned out to be a better day than I expected. So it’s a good day.
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