It's been a month since I've posted anything. As life goes, it's been kinda dull. I've face timed with my mom a few times. She seems to be doing the same. The other day she informed me that she thinks she's going to die soon. Maria, our favorite care taker at my mom's place, and I decided that she was thinking that way because she'd been sitting in her wheel chair for about an hour and was probably tired of that. She always wants to get back to bed as soon as possible. When I was able to visit before the virus hit, I'd often come at dinner time, feed her, then ask that she be put into bed right away, so she wouldn't have to wait. I wonder how that's going now. I'm sure Maria looks out for her when she's there. At least they're allowing the residents to eat in the dining room again. I'm sure it's been very lonely for them to have been isolated in their rooms for so much of the time.
John has been pretty crabby lately. He usually wakes me up in the morning complaining about his lost life. He always says "I hate me." Yep, super positive. I try to help him focus on the positive things in life, but his negativity is really getting to me. He's been griping about not being able to drive, and threatens to walk places if I won't let him drive. He's sure there's something wrong with his computer so he wants to "go somewhere to get something". I tell him I'll take him, but I need to know where to go. He gets frustrated, says he's tired, and storms off to his office to pull the books off the shelves and the stuff out of the closet.
He's in a better mood if we're busy going places and seeing people. But with the virus that doesn't happen as much as we'd like.
Today he put his Tshirt on 3 times - each time he put it on backwards.
The other day he was looking at something on the wall in his office, and it's reflection in the mirrored closet door. He called me into the room to show me that he had 2 identical pictures on his wall. I explained that he only had one, and that the 2nd one he was seeing was a reflection. He seemed pleasantly surprised.
Another day this week he was playing a game with some of the people from Easter Seals. They were asking the people to name 5 types of similar things. They asked John to name 5 comic book heroes. He named Superman, but was then stumped. He recognized that it was strange he couldn't fire off 5 heroes. So of course he laughed and claimed he was tired.
John complains about joining the Easter Seals zoom meetings. He says he's too tired too participate. But once he gets on the zoom call with them, he's much happier and enjoys participating.
Back to John's overall crabbiness these days. My theory is that it's a result of the aricept/donepezil he started taking again at the beginning of the month. It's given him a boost of cognizance. But he seems to use that to ruminate about the things he's lost, or that didn't go as he thinks it should have. He's thinking again about how things went south working at State Fund. He's thinking about not being able to drive. He's thinking about not being able to practice law anymore. And all that loss weighs heavily on him. So he repeatedly says "I hate me."
No comments:
Post a Comment