September 3, 2022

I've notice a couple interesting things lately. 2 or 3 times John has put his tennis shoes on without socks, even though socks are sitting near his shoes. He occassionally is able to tie his own shoes, but when he does he ties them loosely so they come untied very quickly. Now I tie (or retie) his shoes every time, making sure they're tied properly and knotted so that they stay tied. Last night Jordan brought John back into our bedroom. I believe he got up in the middle of the night to pee, but was wandering around the hallway, unable to find the bathroom. Our dog heard noises in the hallway and started barking, and that's what alerted Jordan to the situation. Once I was awake I showed him the bathroom and after that he was able to sleep again. John's ability to sleep is a huge gift. Sleep issues are very common with Alzheimer's patients, so I'm fortunate that he sleeps so I can sleep too. The other night I was walking down a sidewalk like a normal human ... when I tripped over nothing and fell on my face. I scuffed up my chin and now have a large, dark, purple bruise on my chin. Super attractive. Anyway, this morning I asked John to look at my face and tell me if he noticed anything. He said 'No, it looks good.' To be clear, you can't miss the massive bruise on my face - - but John can. That seems really weird to me. It's so obvious, but he can't see it. Recently I contacted the Council on Aging to see if there are resources available that I'm not aware of. Basically I asked if there is anything I don't know. Their main recommendation was to contact the OC Caregiver's Resource Center, which I did. We spoke for some length and I was asked a bunch of questions. At some point I realized they were helping me apply for a respite care grant. The grant I received is for 40 hours of care to be used in September. Caregivers currently cost $32 - $35 per hour. This week we had our first caregiver come to stay with John while I went out in the evening. (By the way, that's when I face planted! Figures I fall during my first night out!) This guy will come each Thursday night in September. He was very nice but totally shocked about John's age. He walked in the house and we introduced ourselves. He then asked who he'd be helping. I pointed at John and he was clearly surprised. He said most people he took care of were in their 80s or 90s. I explained that John didn't need physical assistance, but needed help with dinner and couldn't be alone. When I walked out the door John was busy showing him his office and all his comic related stuff. When I returned a few hours later, one interesting point the caregiver made was that older TV shows, and especially black and white shows, often capture and hold the attention better of Alzheimer's patients. There's less stimulation and motion for the brain to deal with. That makes sense to me so I'm going to give those types of TV shows a try. The purpose of caregiver grants is to make sure the caregiver stays healthy while caregiving. Respite for the caregiver is intended to provide a break so you're able to continue caregiving. Just after I received the caregiver grant I read this in "Passages in Caregiving" by Gail Sheey: "You have a crucial choice: go down with your loved one, or make a conscious effort to come up for air and reconnect with your transports to joy. You can't just walk away from your loved one. A long vigil still lies ahead. But you must move. You must begin Coming Back before you begin saying goodbye. The alternative is to lose yourself. When you oversee the deterioration of someone you love, the process keeps washing away the 'me' that once comprised half of'us'. The longer this erosion of self goes on, unless the caregiver makes an effort to come up for air on a daily basis, the harder it is to return to those dreams that were shared with the individual... At some level the caregiver feels anger and resentment, but it can't be expressed to the loved one, so it spills out elsewhere. Coming back requires going out into the real world for at least a quick sampling every day, and for a daylong break at least once a month." So I'm giving it a try.