January 16, 2023

This 3 day weekend was ... unsettling. John was clearly sundowning each afternoon beginning around 2:00. Each day I ended up giving him an additional seroquel pill to help calm him down. That seemed to help some, but it all makes for a difficult day. He's quite agitated from about 2:00 - 8:00, when he goes to bed. If we're out and about, whatever we're doing seems to distract him from the agitation. But when we're home, and I'm trying to get things done around the house, he starts yelling at me and accusing me of not taking care of him, of not listening to him, and for doing the wrong thing in general. On Saturday it was pouring rain outside. He was griping at me, complaining that I wasn't helping him, that I wouldn't get ahold of someone to help, that I wouldn't take him home, and that I wouldn't take him to see his parents. After a bit he turned from me and started yelling at his reflection in the mirror. He yelled "I've been watching you! I see that you're not helping." Then he continued to accuse his reflection of the same things he accused me of. This went on for quite a while, maybe 15 minutes. So very strange. He told me that he needed to go home, he needed to talk to his parents. He was surprised to learn that they're dead, but not really sad about it. It was weird. More and more he wants to go home to see his parents. I wonder exactly what part of his life he's clinging to at that point - maybe his teen years. Or maybe younger. The next day John yelled at the man in the mirror again, but not quite for as long. The main difference from the day before is that John yelled at the reflection for "throwing him in the trash". He sometimes accuses me of that. John said to me "I've gotta get home. How can I get to my house?" I expained that we were home, but he didn't believe me. He also said that he needed to see a doctor. He said "there's a pain right here" pointing to his foot. I suggested that he might feel more comfortable if he took his shoes off, but he thought that was a ridiculous suggestion. Today I spoke to a MediCal Requirements Specialist to see if there is anyway we can get financial assistance for John's care. The OC Resource Center paid for the consultation. I spent a few hours last week completing the financial forms they sent me. The Specialist said we do not qualify for any in home care reimbursement based on John's retirement income. But the rules for how assets impact qualification for Residential Care Facilities are supposed to change in January 2024. I'd either need to spend some of our assets down to possibly qualify this year, or wait until 2024 to qualify. The key seems to be that he would need to be placed in a Nursing Home of some type, one that has doctors and nurses caring for residents, rather than aides. I think that rules out Board and Care homes or Assisted Living/Memory Care places (the types of places I've begun to look at). John would need to have more physical issues to even consider that (requiring assistance standing, getting in and out of bed and chairs, etc). And the places need to accept Medi-Cal. I think many of those places don't easily take on new Medi-Cal residents, so she said she encourages people to initially go there as 'private pay' then later switch to Medi-Cal so the places are kinda stuck accepting that. The Specialist also suggested I talk to an attorney about a 3100 Petition. I think that means I would petition the court to have me (rather than him) legally accept John's retirement and social security income now, so that he could qualify for more assistance sooner. I really should have had someone else on the call with me to help me understand and remember all the details. I assumed she would tell me we weren't eligible for much and that it would be more cut and dry. It's definitely not easy for us to become eligible, and it's certainly not cut and dry. It's all very complicated. I took notes so I'll need to research those things more to deepen my understanding. It's at times like this that I wonder how the general public is supposed to navigate all this stuff. It's absolutely insane.