March 14, 2021

I read an article recently and I thought I'd share some things that reasonated with me. The article is by Lee Woodruff. Her husband is the journalist who suffered a brain injury while in Iraq some years ago. The article is about caregivers coping with 'ambiguous loss'. Although her husband slowly heals, and mine slowly fades, she writes about things I can relate to. One thing she mentions is that she misses a good argument with her husband. I have thought that so many times. John and I used to argue about stuff all the time. I miss those exchanges. I miss the challenge in the discussions and working together to find compromises when needed. Or just agreeing to disagree. Those are things John can't do anymore. Regarding ambiguous loss - It's a loss short of death with a world of uncertainly. "There's no black and white in this kind of loss. I've joined a quiet group of people grieving in the shadows." "I craved that unarticulated connective tissue that binds a marriage. I loved the way we shifted responsibilities and strengths, the grooved patterns and institutional memory of a twosome." "We were largely intact but in innumerable, inchoate ways, trauma had rearranged us." (Yes, I had to google 'inchoate' to see what it means!) "Grief and gratitude can exist on the same plane." "I need to mourn the outlines of the old us, the parts that now fit together differently." "The trick is to learn how to live in challenging spaces, to hold fast when profound sorrow engulfs me, and to balance those with the reminders of what is good, possible and real." "We are different now. We are all shaped and sculpted by our responses to what life throws at us, the big events and the little cherry bombs." "Most days I'm simply happy to be here, more keenly aware of how precious this is."