June 19, 2022

Today is Father's Day. When we woke up John was asking about the day, asking what was happening in a confused kind of way. That's typical. He asks about what is happening, and then regardless of my answer announces 'it's horrible' or something similar. Today is Sunday so we didn't have to rush out of bed, so I lingered and asked him if he had any children. I asked in a confused way, as though I was wondering about it - not in a way that would make him feel questioned. He responded that he didn't think so. I thought my wording might have thrown him, so I asked the question a few more times in different ways. Clearly John didn't realize that he is a father and that he raised our kids. He knows who our kids are, I think he doesn't understand relationships. He doesn't understand how family members are connected to him. It's much like he knows me, but doesn't know I'm his wife. So I explained that each of our kids are his children, that he raised them into adulthood, and they are each thriving. This weekend it seemed that John struggled more than usual. It's too soon to know if he's having a couple off days, or if he's dropped a bit more in his overall cognizance. He struggled to eat (not knowing if he should use a fork or his hands) and I felt like I had to help him more than before. This morning I cut his toenails. He was furious about it and yelled out for help. I was worried the neighbors would hear! He made the job tougher than it needed to be. Afterward I fed him breakfast and he refused to eat. He was too busy pouting. He was still really mad at me, but couldn't remember why.