June 1, 2022

Jordan graduated from law school a couple weeks ago. It was a beautiful day to celebrate her accomplishment. Amid the joy was the sadness that John didn't understand what was happening. He would have been so excited if he'd known what was happening. Instead he sat there with a blank look on his face and followed us around without comprehension. My dad would have loved to have been there. He would have been thrilled that Jordan went to law school and was graduating. As Dorene said, he was weeping tears of joy in heaven. Despite the joy of the day, I felt the cloud of that loss as well. I mentioned John's blank face. A couple people have commented to me about that lately. People who have first hand experience with Alzheimers. These people have recognized that blank Alzheimers look on John's face. Not long ago John appeared very normal, very typical. But that's changing now. I've also noticed ground slipping in other ways. Recently I was asking him to undress to get in the shower. He wasn't able to do it. He didn't understand what I was asking him to do. When I asked him to pull his shirt off, he just looked at me with frustration and complained that he didn't know what to do. A couple times he pulled at the hem of his shirt, but quickly dropped his hands to his side. I had to pull his shirt off for him. This morning he wasn't able to put on his shorts when I asked him to. I had to hold the shorts for him and instruct him to step into the shorts. He also couldn't figure out how to turn off the water when he brushed his teeth. And lately when I give him his pills in the morning (I have to put them in his mouth now, he can't pick them up and do it himself anymore) and then tell him to drink from the glass of water, he often can't do it. I lift the glass to his lips and start pouring the water in his mouth. Sometimes that makes him mad and he fights to push the glass away from his lips. Sometimes he drinks it when I tip the glass. And still other times he'll drink from the glass on his own. This morning when I asked him to brush his hair and handed him the hairbrush, he blirted out "I don't know what to do with it!" Edna has commented a number of times that "it's going fast now." It doesn't feel fast to me, but I do notice changes. They creep up here and there, typically starting on an occassional basis. Then the behavior increases in occurrence until it becomes the new typical behavior. Edna asked me about my care plans for John's future. I told her I plan to keep him at home as long as I can handle it - both for our sake as well as for financial need. Any type of care is prohibitively expensive. I want to keep him at EasterSeals as long as possible. I wonder if they allow him to continue there because of Edna. I suspect that if it wasn't for her, they'd tell me that the level of care he needs is no longer compatible with what they offer. I know that they struggle whenever Edna isn't there and someone else has to step in and work with John. Hopefully I'm worrying unnecessarily for now, but only time will tell.