October 20, 2023

Well yesterday I was feeling stronger, but today....I was a shit show. I cried on and off all day. It was John's last day at EasterSeals. We brought donuts as a small thank you to the staff. The last drop off was tough. Then when I picked him up, the director walked out with John and Edna. The director gave us flowers and said she sent my 'resignation' letter to her superiors so they would read my praise for Edna. I gave Edna a gift - a necklace to remind her of John. She plans to move to Australia next year to live with her son. I wrote her a long note in a card in a lame attempt to express our gratitude for all she's done for us, and to express the love we have for her. I wish she and John could have known each other when he was himself. Work was a tear fest too. One friend gave me a necklace that signifies strength and new beginnings. I love it. Another friend gave me a nice bottle of wine and a bouquet of flowers. So thoughtful. They bought me lunch. And people dropped by my desk all day to show their support for me. It was really something. People can be so kind and thoughtful. I took John for a haircut after work so he'd be all fresh and clean for tomorrow. He had a difficult time and I had to hold his hands throughout, and held my face next to his to try help keep his head steady while they gave him a shave. I felt a bit sorry for the young guy who gave him the trim, but he was a trooper. I've tried to explain what's coming to John throughout the week. He doesn't understand. He's used to me dropping him off at EasterSeals so I hope the familiarity of that transition will calm him in the next days and weeks. And I hope tomorrow goes well. Now I'm off to bed - it may well be the last time we spend the night together. What a ride its been! I'm choosing to focus on our blessings.(She writes as she cries...)