October 29, 2023

John has been at Crescent Landing for 8 days now. The move-in went as well as can be expected. We set up his room, got him all situated, hung out with him for a while, then said goodbye. I gave him a kiss on his cheek and he kinda pulled back with a smirk on his face that seemed to say "What the heck are you doing kissing me?!" Since he doesn't know we're married I believe he sometimes thinks I've crossed a line and have done something inappropriate. I've spent time with John every day, and he's had a lot of visitors, so that's been great. However, he isn't sleeping well. Some nights he doesn't sleep at all, but wanders around all night. Other nights he sleeps for a few hours, then gets up and starts pacing. He's slept all night only 1 night that I'm aware of. So some days he looks pretty ragged with exhaustion. At home I was forcing him to lie down in bed, sitting on the side of the bed so he couldn't get out. And when I got more desparate, I'd put my pillow on his arm and sleep on it so he couldn't get out of bed. But clearly the staff at Crescent Landing can't do that! The other issue is that he refuses to shower, change his clothes, brush his teeth, etc. So when I go there I change his clothes when he needs it, I brush his teeth, and shave his face. Danielle and I met with Crescent Landing and Geiss Med on Friday (that's the palliative care group that provides medical assistance for him there). They recommended that we add a mood stabilizer so he's calmer and less agitated. We agreed, provided the dose is low enough that it doesn't make him too drowsy or unsteady on his feet. He hasn't started the med yet though, probably tomorrow. I've explanined to a number of different caregivers there that I've been forcing John to do the ADLs (activities of daily living) for some time now. He gripes and resists, but generally allows the task to be done. I think they are concerned that John may become violent with them. That's not unreasonable. I remember my mom hit the staff sometimes when she was in Memory Care. John is about 15-20 years younger than most of their residents, and he's stronger than probably any of them. I'm pretty sure he's the youngest person there. I've assured them that he's never been violent before, but I can imagine that it would be a concern when they don't know him well yet. They don't force residents to do things against their will. Of course they do if it's necessary, like when someone really has to have a shower, but in general they don't force the residents to do things. So if John resists brushing his teeth, they're not going to push it. Where I sort of push him against a wall so he can't easily get away, and shove the toothbrush in his mouth. The bottom line is that the behaviors they're seeing are the same things I was dealing with. I assume it's worse for them though because they don't know him yet, and he doesn't know them. Add a terrible lack of sleep to the mix and it's even uglier. They're having a difficult time caring for him. I get it - I have too! One other thing - for the past 3 days he's been leaning to the left. The Geiss Med nurse paid him a visit to check it out, and she thinks he may be dehydrated. I see him drinking fairly well, but with all his pacing I suppose it's possible. And maybe he drinks more when I'm there. So it's been a very difficult week. I know it's an adjustment period for John, and for the caregivers at Crescent Landing, and for me too. Hopefully things will calm down soon. Change isn't easy for any of us, but even more so for someone with Alzheimer's Disease. Hopefully John will become more comfortable quickly.